Thursday, August 25, 2011

It's Just Too Close

I have son with Down Syndrome and because of that, people are often recommending books where characters have children with DS as a major plot point. There are several, but the two that are most well known is Jewel and The Memory Keepers Daughter. And I've read the synopses (I actually had Jewel for over a year) but I just can't bring myself to read them.

The reason? It's just too close to what I'm living right now.

I've read several non-fiction books on DS (those are a necessity), but I have a hard time with the fiction.

I don't know if I'm worried that they'll bring up something that I'm not worried about right now, but will be after reading the book. Or if it will just break my heart because no matter what I'll identify the DS character with my son. In real life my heart already breaks a little at a time every time I have to take him to the doctors for more tests and poking and proding, to the hospital for surgery, after surgery, after no-end-in-sight surgery, or when I hear kids whisper about why he's acting "funny." But I love him like crazy, so we do these things with a big, huge (kind of strained) smile so that he's not scared. I guess when we're done with it in real life, I don't want to read about it, too.

Not that it's all hard. There's the good stuff, too. The hugs and the smiles and the times he accomplishes things we've been working on for forever, and his laugh is the best laugh in the world--but I don't need to read about it. I can just go hug my son and tickle him and hear him laugh right then. That's so much better to me.

Is there any subject that is just hard for you to read about?

(And my sparkfest post is coming tomorrow...)

5 comments:

  1. I totally get what you mean.
    But YAY for hugs and smiles!

    Yeah, there are subjects I don't like to read about, but it has nothing to do with my life. For example, I don't like things that are too violent. They kind of depress me.

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  2. I really connected with you while reading this post. I don't have a child with Down Syndrome, but I could see where it would be difficult to read about. Subjects that are touchy with me are child abuse, including sexual abuse. There's been some in my extended family, so it's not something I like to come across while reading.

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  3. Everyone keep telling me I have to read 13 Reasons Why, and I had a good friend who killed himself shortly after graduation, and I just can't do it.

    A few of my good friends found him in the woods behind his house. I still cry when I hear his favorite song on the radio - the one they played at his funeral.

    So, yeah . . . not going there.

    I totally get it with your son. You're living it every day, and I LOVE that there's books with DS kids in them, but I don't think I could do it either if I were you. your heart already breaks in that place.

    my daughter's issues are minor, and I forget that she looks different from other kids until I see her in a picture, or paint her nails, and I have two fewer to paint, or hold her hands, which are the size of a sox month olds. I wouldn't read a book about kids like her either.

    BTW - she turns 8 on Sat, spent all week sewing her baptism dress. SO fun :D And OVERWHELMING

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  4. I don't have one of those subjects...but I get it. U are brave to share.

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  5. Absolutely fantastic blog!!! Glad I found it! Love it!!!

    Lola x
    http://lola-x.blogspot.com

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